Bachelor in Paradise and Rape Culture 

C.N. sexual assault, gaslighting, language

Look, I’m not going to get into the various details about what’s now looking like an alleged sexual assault or, at a minimum “improper contact” between Demario and Corinne. You can find that pretty much any and everywhere online.

I just need a quick rant about our pervasive  rape culture and the comments I keep seeing about this incident, even by people I fucking know should know better than this. If you see yourself in this rant, maybe do some goddamn soul searching.


Rape culture is when allegations of a sexual assault committed against a public figure come out, and people—even those who claim to understand how consent works in any and every other context—say

  • “Oh, well she’s a ho/slut/skank anyway”
  • “If you watched the show, you know she’s a drunk. So it’s her fault.”
  • “Oh suuuuure she blacked out. This is her M.O.”
  • “I’m sure she made this up so her boyfriend wouldn’t get mad. Have you seen how she acts?”
  • “She gets drunk and comes on to men. It’s what she does. Didn’t you watch??”

Look, I don’t give a flying fuzznut how easy someone is or how intoxicated they sometimes can get. Consent is consent. If someone is too drunk to give consent, it doesn’t matter if they gave consent to 100 other people earlier that afternoon. The one person/one time they didn’t/couldn’t, that one time is rape. In fact, hell, I’m willing to make the argument that if someone is proudly promiscuous, the fact that they tell you they weren’t trying to get down this time should carry some weight.

I don’t know what happened or what didn’t happen. I wasn’t there. I haven’t seen any tapes. I have no inside knowledge from a reliable source. I just know that I’m seeing a lot of people who claim to understand what sexual assault is and isn’t show their asses because the alleged victim happens to be on a raunchy ass show [which, full disclosure, I don’t watch, because it grosses me out], as though that discounts the fact that something happened she may not have wanted to.

Sluts get raped.

Sex workers get raped.

Lushes get raped.

Cheaters get raped.

The fact that an alleged victim doesn’t fit your personal morality preference doesn’t make the issue any less serious.

Stop being an asshole.

My How Far We’ve Gone (Back)

This time eight years ago, I was filled with so much hope and joy. I was expecting the birth of my first baby girl. We had just elected our first black president. Although the economy was tanked due to eight years of failed Republican policies, things were looking up. The stock market had begun to rebound almost immediately at the news of President-Elect Obama, and most people were looking forward to an era of hope and change.

Fast-forward to now. The hope is gone. The change is abhorrent. I feel more fear and dread than I’ve ever felt in my entire life walking around in my brown skin in Texas of all places. The campaign and now election of Donald Trump (AKA “The Rapey Cheeto”) has brought forth so much hate, so much racism, so much xenophobia, homophobia, islamophobic, and every abhorrent phobia related to humanity you can imagine. Almost as immediately as the election results came out, reports started flooding in about the harassment and even assault of racial, ethnic, and religious minorities. Muslim women have had hajibs ripped from their bodies. Black people have been called niggers and told they can’t wait for us to get sent back to Africa or “put in [our] place.”Latinos who were born here and have been here for more generations than most white people are being told to “go back to where [they] came from.” Asian Americans are being harassed more than any time in post-WWII history.

Graffiti found the day after the election.

And white America still has the nerve to say, “I voted for him, but I’m not a racist.” No, you absolutely are. It doesn’t matter if you voted for him because you foolishly believed his claims to be pro-life. It doesn’t matter if you voted for him because of your idiotic belief that someone who has filed bankruptcy four times is a good businessman [as a former bankruptcy attorney, I can assure you that no good business person files bankruptcy four times]. It doesn’t matter that you voted for him because the other option was pretty bad [at least she wasn’t endorsed by the Alt-Right and the KKK]. There wa nothing hidden or ambiguous about Trump’s hatred of the other. It’s well-documented. If you didn’t see it, it is either because you share his beliefs and therefore see nothing wrong with them or because you chose to be willfully ignorant. Neither position is commendable. By being complicit in racism, xenophobia, homophobia, misogyny, and the like, you are by association endorsing hatred. By voting for someone who campaigned on these beliefs, you are by action endorsing hatred. This is on you. You did this.

For people who like to brag that they are pro “family values,” Trump voters cast their ballots with no families in mind except their own. For people who call themselves “pro-life,” their actions in this election show a blatant disrespect for the value of others’ lives. This election wasn’t just about politics; it was about what we as a nation find acceptable in terms of behavior. The message that 50% of you sent on Tuesday is that you will accept bullying and intolerance and that you have no empathy.

If you are disgusted by the harassment being directed at your fellow man right now and you voted for Trump, understand that you are to blame. If you are disgusted by the harassment and didn’t vote for Trump, but stood by silently while people endorsed his ideas of “taking this country back” or “building a wall” or “putting them in their place with law and order” or “grabbing em by the pussy,” you are also to blame. You don’t get to absolve yourself from this because you turned a blind eye to hate speech that wasn’t directed at you.

Spare me the calls to come together or respect the president-elect. Where were your pleas of respect when President Obama was subjected to racial slurs and caricatures and threats of violence? Where were your calls of unity when during the Rapey Cheeto’s acceptance speech someone yelled, “Kill him!” at the mention of President Obama. Where, for that matter, was Trump?

I wish I had time to weep for this nation and what we’ve become (again). Unfortunately, I’m too busy trying to figure out how to protect my three children, my extended family members, my friends and their children, and myself from this onslaught of violence and hatred that has started.

Kudos, “Patriots”! You took your country back… all the way to the 1940s.

Please Stop Saying Ted Cruz’s Daughter “Hates” Him

The media has finally done the impossible—make me feel sympathy for Sen. Ted Cruz. Sure, the guy is a psychopath and creepy as all hell, but “even his daughter doesn’t like him” is a pretty cruel indictment, especially when we’re talking about a little child, and not some teenager or adult who has given a statement saying she doesn’t like her dad.

How many of us parents have had those kind of moments when our little kids don’t want to have anything to do with us? I’m sure if I was in the public eye, I could have had a day with one of my children where a hug as just not happening. But that doesn’t mean your kids hate you.

Yes, as a father he should’ve had more respect for his daughter’s body autonomy and just left her alone instead of forcing affection. And he should not have tried to use his child for political points.

No, Ted Cruz is not a good person. But for the love of all things good, please stop saying his daughter “hates him.”

Season 9 of The Big Bang Theory is NOT for Preggos

This should go without saying, but if you haven’t watched the latest episode of The Big Bang Theory, this article contains spoilers. Read at your own risk. But, seriously, you should’ve been able to figure that out from the title.


 

The Big Bang Theory has been one of my favorite shows since it first aired. Dr. Sheldon Cooper has always had a special place in my heart because, in addition to being funny as all get out, he (like his portrayer, Jim Parsons) hails from the Greater Houston Area. I’ve also loved Miyam Bialik since Blossom, and her portrayal as Amy has been one of the best additions to the show [okay, Bernadette is the best, because… I mean…]. I ship for Shamy… HARD. So the end of Season 8, watching my beloved Sheldon have his heartbroken as Amy (for good reason) dumped him right before he was about to propose….Ugh. I couldn’t take it. But this season has been far worse. Why? Because I’m pregnant and hormonal, and I cannot deal with this emotional roller coaster!

Penny and Leonard breaking up briefly at the beginning of Season 9? Meh. They’ve done it a million times. Over it. But watching Sheldon mend his broken heart and Amy date around? Devastating. I don’t think there’s been a single episode that hasn’t elicited at least one hyper-hormonal tear from me this entire season. Then last week… Amy decided that she was finally ready to take Sheldon back, only for him to respond:

Amy, I excel at many things, but getting over you wasn’t one of them.”

OMG! What???? I cried, y’all. Big, ugly, boohoos. I mean, look… I knew the breakup wouldn’t last, because CBS had already spilled the beans about Shamy finally doing the deed in the December 17th episode. But that doesn’t mean that it wasn’t still absolutely devastating watching  how pained these two are by their situation.

Despite all of that, I thought I would be okay. I thought there couldn’t be much more that TBBT could throw at me and all these hormonal shifts that I couldn’t take. WRONG! Oh so wrong!

In episode 10 of the season (“The Earworm Reverberation”), Sheldon has a tune stuck in his head that he cannot place. He believes he is losing his mind, and in turn drives himself, Leonard, and Penny crazy as he tries to figure out what the song is. It suddenly dawns on him when he’s thinking of all the “greats” who were driven mad (including Brian Wilson, apparently?) that the tune is “Darlin’,” a Beach Boys song. Sheldon then figures out that the reason the song is stuck in his head is because it is about Amy. Sheldon races to Amy’s apartment where she is on a date with Dave (the always funny, gentle giant Steve Merchant), her date from episode 8, who she refused to see again because of his obsession with Sheldon. As can almost be expected, Dave encourages Amy to get back with his hero, Sheldon Cooper. Amy and Sheldon kiss, and my tears flowed.

big-bang-theory-season-9-earworm-reverberation-shamy-kiss

These weren’t just normal tears running down my face, y’all [Pop Culture Dad had those, which is how I know I wasn’t totally crazy for crying]; these were big, heavy, full-chested, ugly tears. And I couldn’t stop!!

I know the next episode (where Shamy finally does the deed) is supposed to be quite comical, but I don’t know if I’ll be able to take it. Two people in love, finally reunited, and losing their virginity to each other? And all this happening while Sheldon is still hanging on to the engagement ring he never got to give Amy in the Season 8 finale? I don’t care how great the humor is, I don’t know if my heart (well, my hormones, really) is going to be able take that!

Honestly, I should probably forego any television while I remain emotionally unpredictable, especially shows like TBBT, where I am so invested in some of the characters [um… but not you, Howard]. I know, however, that I won’t be able to resist watching.

Long Live Shamy!!!

Sometimes I Really Love Four-Year Olds

Super Girl is a natural-born comedienne. Just when I thought nothing could top, “You giving me side-eye??” this morning…

♬♪♩ McDonald’s 🍟 had a farm. E I E I O. And on that farm he had a dog and Bingo was his name oh. B-I-N-G-O. B-I-N-G-O. B-I-N-G-O. B-I-N-G-O. And Bingo was his name oh ♩♪♬ 

“Wait! B-I-N-G-O sounds like it should spell a word that means “farty”!

♩♪♬ B-I-farty-O! B-I-farty-O! B-I-farty-O! And Tooty was his name oh! ♬♪♩ 

   

Mass Shootings… I’m Confused

The Oregon shooter was a British, IRA-supporting, biracial, neo-Nazi, anti-theist, self-proclaimed conservative Republican… Color me confused.

And this obviously mentally ill person was allowed to purchase three handguns and an AR-15. There have been 45 school shootings this year. Texas Legislature recently voted to allow guns on campus (idiots) and other Teapublican law makers don’t even want to talk about gun control.

Again, color me confused.

I am Officially a Narc… And I’m Okay with That

I’m now officially that mom who calls the police non-emergency number on other parents. 

Some woman was going 40 in the school zone this morning, weaving in and out of traffic. I tried honking at her and flagging her down several times. All that got me were dirty looks from the driver. I assumed she didn’t have kids and was ignorant about school zones, even though there were several children standing on the corner and a crossing guard at one intersection. But, no, she was on her way to the school, which I discovered as she rushed to jam her car in between others in line at the school. This was all so that she could get her kid to school at 8:02 rather than 8:05. The first tardy bell had already rung at 8 anyway, but doesn’t count until 8:15. I hope the perfect attendance award was worth it, lady. 

I memorized her license plate to report it (as we’ve been encouraged to do, even after the potential for danger has ended). My six-year old memorized her license plate number. She has been reported. I will also report her to the school so someone can have a talk with her if the police decide it isn’t worth the time. 

Leaving the school, I noticed several parents who were cautious when their own children were in the car suddenly speeding, talking on the mobiles in no-handheld-device zones, running through stop signs, and otherwise just being generally reckless. Honestly, had they been on a highway, I would only have been a little peeved. But this kind of behavior, in a school zone, with children actively present and on the corner, and by people who are parents sends me raging

What the hell is wrong with you people?? Are other kids not as precious cargo as your own??

So, I’m now a narc. And I will continue to be a narc until other parents treat random children on the street with the same human decency and courtesy they would expect others to give their own children. And I would encourage you all to do the same.