Bachelor in Paradise and Rape Culture 

C.N. sexual assault, gaslighting, language

Look, I’m not going to get into the various details about what’s now looking like an alleged sexual assault or, at a minimum “improper contact” between Demario and Corinne. You can find that pretty much any and everywhere online.

I just need a quick rant about our pervasive  rape culture and the comments I keep seeing about this incident, even by people I fucking know should know better than this. If you see yourself in this rant, maybe do some goddamn soul searching.


Rape culture is when allegations of a sexual assault committed against a public figure come out, and people—even those who claim to understand how consent works in any and every other context—say

  • “Oh, well she’s a ho/slut/skank anyway”
  • “If you watched the show, you know she’s a drunk. So it’s her fault.”
  • “Oh suuuuure she blacked out. This is her M.O.”
  • “I’m sure she made this up so her boyfriend wouldn’t get mad. Have you seen how she acts?”
  • “She gets drunk and comes on to men. It’s what she does. Didn’t you watch??”

Look, I don’t give a flying fuzznut how easy someone is or how intoxicated they sometimes can get. Consent is consent. If someone is too drunk to give consent, it doesn’t matter if they gave consent to 100 other people earlier that afternoon. The one person/one time they didn’t/couldn’t, that one time is rape. In fact, hell, I’m willing to make the argument that if someone is proudly promiscuous, the fact that they tell you they weren’t trying to get down this time should carry some weight.

I don’t know what happened or what didn’t happen. I wasn’t there. I haven’t seen any tapes. I have no inside knowledge from a reliable source. I just know that I’m seeing a lot of people who claim to understand what sexual assault is and isn’t show their asses because the alleged victim happens to be on a raunchy ass show [which, full disclosure, I don’t watch, because it grosses me out], as though that discounts the fact that something happened she may not have wanted to.

Sluts get raped.

Sex workers get raped.

Lushes get raped.

Cheaters get raped.

The fact that an alleged victim doesn’t fit your personal morality preference doesn’t make the issue any less serious.

Stop being an asshole.

Porsha Picks Her Baby (RHOA)

After the AMAs last night, I started catching up on the Real Housewives of Atlanta. Wow. The new chicks…. just… wow.

Kenya is clearly cray cray, and there isn’t much to be said about her that hasn’t been said already. But Porsha? Oh wow… This girl is a perky little something.

The whole time she was telling Kenya about her desire for children, I kept thinking to myself, Is she 12 years old?. Even beyond the peppy enthusiasm and rambling, I mean, really. You rarely hear grown women talk that way. She wants kids (okay). Sooner rather than later (fine). Preferably twins so she doesn’t have to be pregnant multiple times (okie doke. Good luck with that). Her hubby wants a boy and she wants a girl (that’s normal). So she’s going to have the boy first and then a girl (wait, what now?). And when Kenya points out that usually one does not have control over these things, she responds that she’s just going to use the Chinese gender predictor to plan her boy and girl. (alllllrighty then…).

I get saying things like, “Ideally, I would like a boy and a girl.” But saying what sex she was going to have, and even going so far as to treat the Chinese gender prediction test as though it is honestly a reliable and proven gender prediction technique is just… I can’t… Do grown people do this???

If you are not familiar with it, the Chinese Gender Prediction test is a real thing. Based on the mom’s lunar age and lunar month in which the baby is conceived, the test tells you what gender it should be. That’s right, Porsha Stewart is putting stock in the fact that every woman her lunar age who conceives the same month as her will have the same-gendered babies. Sounds legit .

This gender predictor claims to be 90% accurate. In reality, it is—like all methods of predicting gender in a single-birth or identical twin scenario—50% accurate.

According to the Chinese Gender Predictor, I should have one girl and one boy. In fact, Pop Culture Toddler 2 was conceived smack in the middle of a three-month period that should result in a boy. Guess she missed the memo?

Seriously, what is the logic here? Some ancient Chinese secret from the cosmos? It doesn’t even make any sense statistically.

And what about fraternal twins [like the ones Porsha so desperately wants… I am assuming there must be some family history or she is planning on the aid of fertility drugs, since she is clearly not of such advanced maternal age that she has a heightened risk of fraternal twins] and other multiples? Where do they factor? By this theory, they should always be the same gender.

Look, I have no problem with gender prediction methods and old wives’ takes when they are used for fun only, and not treated as a serious endeavor. I can even understand people trying things like the Shettles Method or anything that has at least some basis in science (whether or not it is actually accurate). But some random chart that you found online that says every 31-year old woman who conceives in “lunar” February in any given year will have a girl?? C’mon now!

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