The Worst Part of the HIMYM Finale

Yes, I’m still mad about the How I Met Your Mother series finale a week later. I spent nine years investing in this show. It’s going to take me more than a day to get over the disappointment. It would be like if Pop Culture Dad (who, BTW, I’ve been with less years than I was Ted, Marshall, Lily, Barney, and even Robin) came home tomorrow and dumped me in an ugly and unceremonious way. Okay… It’s not actually that dramatic. But the finale did. really. suck. y’all!

But you know what’s the worst part of that horrible finale? We HIMYM die-hard fans have been defending our loyalty to this show for the last couple of years, and these bastards (Thomas, Bays, and the rest of the HIMYM writers) just punched us in the gut and left us lying in the dirt. It’s been hard being a HIMYM fan, and now it was all for nothing.

Pop Culture Dad and I actually met towards the end of the first season of HIMYM. I was a fan. He was not. I quickly caught him up to speed and got him in the HIMYM fan club also. Our relationship grew and blossomed with these characters for five years. And then he dropped out. PCD just couldn’t do it anymore. The writing wasn’t as good as it had been in the earlier seasons. Ted was becoming increasingly more annoying (particularly his on-again, off-again obsessions with Robin). PCD got tired of them not just jumping to how Ted met the mother and getting over it already. Pop Culture Dad would occasionally watch an episode with me here and there, but many times, he would spend the episodes peppering scenes with an interjection of, “This is so stupid!”, “Has this show been cancelled yet?”, “I swear the only thing good about this show is Marshall and Lily!”, “I swear… Ted is the WORST father ever! Why would you tell your kids this story??”, and “WHY ARE YOU STILL WATCHING THIS SHOW??”. There were a few episodes that proved the exception to Pop Culture Dad’s I-Only-Watch-This-Show-When-You-Make-Me rule in the latter seasons: the Robin Sparkles episodes, the Slap Bet, and Barney’s proposal to Robin. Pop Culture Dad isn’t the only one who expressed these feelings; many people–all former fans–said similar things when they realized I was still watching HIMYM. Only a few of my friends loyally stuck around as I did. We were all disappointed with the ending.

So now what? We stuck around for nine years–the last few of them spotty and challenging–and we got nothing for the effort. All of the justifications we had made for this show have melted away. All of the naysayers have completely valid reasons for saying, “We told you so,” and they were right (dammit!). I never thought I would be that chick who stayed in a bad relationship for years and years after all of my friends and family members kept telling me, “He’s no good for you!” and I never listened, because I was clinging to the memories of happier days. But there you have it. I was. And I’m pissed that Bays and Thomas made that kind of fool of me!!

Sigh… But the relationship is over. It’s dead (much like Tracy McConnell, RIP. Girl, R. I. P…). It’s time to move on.

But first, maybe I need some more closure.

Despite our differences in the end, there are some things that I will always appreciate about How I Met Your Mother.

1.  I love that in a post-Buffy, post-Angel, post-Veronica Mars world, I got nine more years of Alyson Hannigan gracing my screen [and, from time to time, even got a glimpse of her lovely husband. Oh Sandy Rivers/Wesley Wyndham-Pryce, how I adore you, too!]. But, let’s face it. Even without HIMYM, Willow wasn’t going to be absent from the small screen for too long, because Alyson Hannigan is a National. Fucking. Treasure, goddammit!

Aly, I know we’re almost the same age and all, but you can totally be my mom, too!
2. While I can’t credit HIMYM for Neil Patrick Harris’s big comeback (that honor goes to Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle), I can thank the show for keeping that momentum going, reminding me how much I loved Doogie Howser, M.D., and making magic cool again.
I know, hon. I feel the same way about Thomas & Bays!
Though, if I’m being totally honest, this is how I prefer to picture NPH.
And this has NOTHING to do with HIMYM.

3. Jason Muthafucking Segel.
Look, I know he was doing shit before HIMYM. But I never watched Freaks and Geeks or Undeclared until after HIMYM and every Jason Segel role in a movie since then threw me in the Jason Segel fan club. Seriously, the man can do no wrong… Er, scratch that. I watched This Is the End. And that shit was horrible. But Knocked UpForgetting Sarah Marshall; I Love You, Man; Despicable Me; Bad Teacher; Friends with BenefitsThe Muppets; Five-Year Engagement; This is 40… OMG. He was golden in ALL of it. Every last drop!

In addition to the fact that I am such a huge Marshmallow/Lily Pad fan (and they’re only part of the entire series Pop Culture Dad still liked), I love, love, love that fictitious Marshall and I [and my #4] have the same alma mater, even though we would not have graced the halls at the same time [yes, people, I realize that this is fake!! After all, we’re talking about a universe in which New York City has all of four minorities. Dahell…].

4. Brad Morris.
Hey, True Blood only airs during the summertime. So any time I can have an extra bit of Joe Manganiello on my television in various states of undress is a good thing.

5. Robin Sparkles. I would go to the mall with her today and any other day.

So… One would think with all these fond memories, the season finale wouldn’t have stung so much. But one would be WRONG. Oh so very wrong.

These fond memories are exactly why the series finale felt like one huge, never-ending Slap Bet to the face. There was so much good about this show before it started sucking. And I could have even let the sucky parts go if the season finale had been worthy of even the mediocre parts of this show. But it was sooo very bad. It felt slapped together and rushed. We spent an entire goddamn season on Robin and Barney’s wedding, only for the HIMYM writers to slap together 16 years of twists and turns into 44 minutes. It was so poorly done, you would think they were making it up as they were going along. It was a complete disservice to how they’ve built these characters over the years and how they’ve grown. Ted going back to Robin makes NO sense to anyone who believes in having healthy, adult relationships [OMG, they were SO toxic together. At least it was true to previous seasons in that Robin wanted Ted only when someone else had him and that Ted was completely Robin’s puppy dog for some inexplicable reason. But did these people seriously not grow at all over two and a half decades of knowing each other??]. While I’m less broken up about The Mother (aka Tracy) being dead, since we all pretty much expected that even before the hints thrown out this season, the way her death was treated was so shoddy that I almost feel like they could have forgotten to write in the part where Ted meets her, and the net result might have been the same. Barney spent all these years growing as a man, only to turn back into a major douchebag (in his 40s, no less) the second that callous bitch Robin dumps him, only to then magically reform again the second he has a daughter [P.S. I am willing to bet money right now that the “Dad” in the new “How I Met Your Dad” ends up being Barney. But I refuse to watch another Thomas/Bays production, so one of you will have to let me know in a few years if that prediction was true]. You all already know how I feel about the children’s reactions. And we never found out the meaning behind that fucking pineapple.

In co-creator Craig Thomas’s infamous fuck you tweet to fans of the show, he says:

Of course, the irony here is that in a finale allegedly about life’s twist and turns, it never occurred to the HIMYM writers that when your show goes on longer than anyone ever planned, the characters have developed in different ways from what you originally plotted, and the fans have fallen in love with different expectations (by your design, no less), maybe instead of rolling with an ending you taped nine years prior, you need to roll with the “twists and turns” and give your show an ending that makes sense in light of everything else that has happened over the last decade!

It’s the End of ‘New Jersey’ as We Know It… And I Feel Fine

Rumors are starting to swirl that with the increased likelihood of Teresa Giudice and hubby Joe being jail-bound that Bravo is going to cancel The Real Housewives of New Jersey. As someone who has watched this show (and often blogged about it) since the very first episode, I’m perfectly okay with that.

For anyone who has been under a rock (or, like many of my dead to mefriends who don’t watch the show), here’s the two-cent summary: Teresa and Joe have been indicted in federal court on Monday on 39–count ’em, 39 counts of fraud. So what did these losers reality stars allegedly do? Exaggerating income while applying for loans before landing their RHONJ gig, committing bankruptcy fraud by deflating their incomes and failing to disclose assets after the show had aired, failing to file five years of tax returns, and lying on some of the tax returns that they actually did file.
Now, to anyone who’s watched the show before, none of this should be a surprise. At the begining of the second season, we all witnessed Teresa paying for more than $100,000 worth of furniture in cash. WHO has that much cash lying around, and who uses it to pay for general goods and services? (Generally) people with shit to hide, that’s who. Also, as a (then-)bankruptcy attorney, I was pretty insulted that the Giuidices would be stupid enough to fail to disclose major assets on their bankruptcy petition… that anyone with cable television could easily see. I mean, it wasn’t really a big surprise when the Chapter 7 trustee was able to pinpoint a number of assets (including, hello, her salary from the Bravo TV show!!!). The Giudices avoided prosecution (they thought) by dismissing the bankruptcy case. Well, y’all, you thought wrong.
Here are the Giudices entering the federal courthouse on Tuesday:
They mad, y’all.
Apparently, on the way in, Joe pushed a couple of cameramen and yelled at them (against the audible advice of his attorney). And after the hearing, his mother cussed out a few reporters, while his dad flipped the papparazi the bird. These people are seriously klassy, y’all.
The industry rumor is that Bravo wants nothing to do with it. Actually, the unofficial official statement is that Bravo only wants to show happy situations, like marriages, births, friendships, etc. But anyone who’s ever watched (or, heck, even heard of) reality TV knows this is not REMOTELY true. If I had to guess (and, apparently, I do), Bravo just doesn’t want to deal with the mounting liability that is the Giudice family. This isn’t the first time the Giudices have had legal trouble and faced possible jail time—Joe has had legal troubles aplenty; however, this is the first of their legal troubles where Teresa also faces jail time. Also, this is certainly the most serious of their offenses. Not only could they be facing up to 50 years imprisonment each, but Joe (who I did not know until this week isn’t an American citizen) could face deportation back to Italy. This goes way beyond DUIs and bar fights. They messed with the Feds!
So following the whole “Bravo is done with the Giudices” insider scoop, the speculation then follows that Bravo may cancel RHONJ altogether. When you think about it, this completely makes sense. There is nothing remotely interesting (and I use “interesting” relatively here) going on that doesn’t involve Teresa. No one cares about Melissa’s singing (ha ha) career except for the fact that it causes so much angst in Teresa. Jacqueline is sort of (but not really) interesting in that she’s apparently losing her mind… But why is she losing her mind? Because of Teresa. Caroline is (sort of) (sometimes) interesting to watch mother henning; but these days, with her kids out of the house, the person she seems to mother hen the most is Teresa. This show is so boringTeresa-centric that it would be absolutely impossible to have a show with Teresa gone unless they scrapped the entire current cast and started somewhere fresh. And it stands to reason that if they started with a new cast, they would have to get out of Franklin Lakes, because everybody there seems to be in everyone else’s business. What would be the point of having a new cast if the same people kept popping up every episode. And, I don’t know about you, but I have no interest in watching the limited amount of Kim G they show now, let alone a whole Kim G-centered show.
Lezbehonest for a moment, though, shall we? RHONJ is really two seasons past “should have been cancelled.” While the whole “let’s have a Housewives where virtually every castmate is related or damn-near related to the others” was cute for a couple of seasons, it got really old really fast. I don’t like dealing with my own family drama. There is nothing cute and compelling about watching the same 30 years of baggage play itself out for two years. Bravo should have scrapped this cess pool a long time ago and just moved the hell on.
There are plenty of Housewives franchises left to fill the void. Heck, I would even welcome Bravo picking up another city, so long as they didn’t repeat that disaster that was DC. In fact, Andy Cohen, if you’re listening, might I suggest (oft-rumored locale) Dallas? If you don’t know what kind of crazy Housewives potential you might find there, I would ask you to watch repeats of your own show Most Eligible Dallas, and then I would ask you to cross networks and see that delicious trainwreck of Big Rich. There is so much botox, big hair, big money, and big crazy to be found in the northern region of my messed upfair state. Just do it already, Bravo. Do. It.