This week, TV Guide posted its holiday wishlist for television (find it at: http://www.tvguide.com/News/TV-Wish-List-1026999.aspx), while I agree with about half the list, in the spirit of the Solstice, let me share my television wishlist for the holidays:
- I wish that the networks would actually put real programming on Fridays and Saturdays, rather than re-runs, Cops, random movies, and whatever other undesirables they have sitting in their storage room. I remember when I was growing up and ABC had a string of back-to-back family shows that ran throughout primetime on Friday nights. Anyone remember Step by Step, Full House, Family Matters and Boy Meets World? Growing up, I couldn't wait for Friday night programming to roll around. Now I couldn't even tell you what comes on Friday nights, and at the rate things are going, my daughter will grow up thinking Friday nights are now always, “What did we get from Netflix this week?” nights.
- Like the gang at TV Guide, I would like to see Community's Troy and Glee's Brittany have a conversation. Heck, I just want more Brittany. And Puck. When the heck is Mark Salling coming back to Glee? Make it happen, Ryan Murphy, and make it happen fast. More Puck solos. More Brittany dancing. Less Quinn and Finn singing. And please oh please more Warblers!!
- I also wish for more Justin Timberlake on SNL. How about while we're at it, make The Miley Cyrus Show an every other week deal, kill the Target sketch once and for all, make The Weekend Update segment longer, (as much as I love Kristen Wiig) kill the deformed baby-lady skits and cut Tilly back to once a season, let Andy Samberg/Lonely Island do more digital shorts — even better when you get classics like this, this, and this. And can you somehow coax Tina Fey, Amy Pohler and Maya Rudolph into making trick appearances more often? The shows are just so much funnier when they're on.
- Speaking of… Can we get Maya Rudolph a show already?
- As much as I like Dexter, given that Deb and Dexter are probably going to want to kill each other next year (in real life, anyway) and that I won't be able to look at Michael C. Hall without wanting to punch him in the face, let's just kill the show. Take a page from Seinfeld and quit while you're ahead. Honestly, this past season was a little lackluster. Or maybe it's just because Eli Stone (sorry, Johnny Miller, whatever) can't hold a candle to John Lithgow.
- PLEASE stop killing babies and itty bitty children on Private Practice. I get that Addison Montgomery is supposed to be a premier prenatal specialist and Cooper is a pediatrician, but my poor heart can't take it anymore. Sure, you can keep some tragic storyline involveing a child or baby every now and then, but can you please stop making this mother cry every. single. week?
- I wish for the Psych season to be longer. Much longer.
- Can we meet the Mother already? Honestly, Ted Mosby really isn't even most people's favorite part of the show, and I think it's been well established that most people don't care How He Met His Kids' Mother, we just want Ted to do it already. Enough with the teasing and guest starlets who could or could not be the mother. Just let Ted meet the lady and get on with their courtship story told in the backdrop of all of his other friends' lives, which are way more interesting. And, please, let Barney and Robin get back together and let it stick this time.
- BIg Bang Theory is perfect. I don't wish for a thing except many more seasons to come.
- Please kill Two and a Half Men so that half-a-man can go to rehab already. What? The half-man is supposed to be the kid? Are you sure about that…?
- All I want for Yule this year are more sitcoms that are actually funny. Can we take Modern Family and multiply it by a hundred? Let's bring back smart comedies like Arrested Development and Better Off Ted. I don't care that stupid people like stupid humor. Let them watch VH1 reality tv shows. Which brings me to…
- I'll be the first to admit, I love good trash reality TV. But there are way too many shows on these days. First, let's confine the reality shows to some niche channels, and let the four major networks vow to limit their reality programming to one day a week. Let the cable channels (like MTV, VH1, E! and Bravo) corner the market, because, let's face it, they do reality better than anyone else. But, word to the wise, Bravo — enough with the Housewives. I'll admit it, Beverly Hills is now a guilty and welcome pleasure (especially seeing how bat-$h!t crazy Camille Grammer is), but did we really need D.C.? That was one of the worst and most pointless seasons of television I have yet to witness, and this is coming from someone who actually watched a couple of episodes of Chad Ochocinco's dating show! Shame on you, Andy Cohen, for giving the Salahis more motivation to sneak their way into political events and attempting to (nay, succeeding in) breaching national security. These people should be in jail already!
- Stop putting good shows like Parks and Recreation on as mid-season replacements for shows that you know are going to fail.
- Let's have more people of color on more shows and as more leads. Reality shows do not count!! Undercovers was a good show — better than half the shows that got picked up for full seasons — and was actually pretty race neutral if half the idiots out there who felt like one yahoo whose letter was actually printed by TV Guide (who said he couldn't “bother to care” about the lead actors, because he'd never heard of them — never mind all of the other shows with white leads no one's heard of) had actually bothered to watch the show. It didn't deserve to be cancelled so soon. And let's not pretend that now that Outsourced (an arguably racist show depending on who you ask) is on the air, there's no longer a need for Indian actors on American television. What about Hispanics? Nearly or more than half the population in practically every major city, but their presence on network television is virtually nil? Does that even seem right or fair? And while we're at it, let's have more openly gay characters on television and more disabled characters on television. We can't sequester everyone to Glee. Basically, I would like to turn on the television and have its demographics look somewhat close to real life. Is that too much to ask?
- Speaking of diversity, geez, can we get a non-white Bachelor? As much as I love Brad Womack coming back, let's go for some fresh meat and a little color. I'm tired of recycling people who got dumped in previous seasons (if Jake Pavalka comes back, I swear I'm hunting Mike Fleiss down). And I'm tired of it being all white guys who, you know, even if they do pick one token black, Hispanic or Asian (and you know it's always one, not even one of each) gal, she's not staying past the second round. Black guy with 25 potential dates who are not necessarily all black women make you nervous? Fine, get a blue-eyed Hispanic guy. Surely Allie and Roberto have broken up by now. Isn't he available? [Okay, I guess that doesn't fit into my “fresh blood” wish, but I would just like to look at Roberto again…]
- And my final wish (for now) is that Dancing wtih the Stars actually make their slate of stars actual stars. I mean, Jake Pavelka, some chick from The Hills whose name I can't be bothered to know, The Situation and Bristol Palin? Seriously?!
So to all the god(s) and goddesses of the various religions and holidays, this is my TV prayer to you. Please make these things happen. And if you can't, I'll settle for more room on my DVR. With us keeping 25 episodes of Sesame Street, there's hardly any room for Mommy and Daddy's shows.